The Baby Project From Hell
by amandas flying circus
Summary: HPDM SLASH! Harry and Draco are partnered up for a mandatory 7th year class in which they must parent a baby. More summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: An age old tradition; seventh years in all four houses, are forced to take a class about living, family, and general health. The first few classes seem easy to Harry and Co. but when it is announced the will be paired up to raise a child for the next 2 months people are both excited and nervous. The new teacher has some weird ideas and wants to prove that any couple can make things work. But the baby is not like a flour bag, or egg, or doll, or other creature...

Disregards HBP and DH...and possibly even OotP. Haha...

Disclaimer:I don't own it.

A/N: I wrote this because my class was just told we had to raise eggs... / lol. I was wondering if anyone ever wrote a Harry/Draco story like that. I did not see any of this ship, at least not on here when I searched. But since its not quite the most original idea in the world, I thought I might write something anyway. So, here goes nothing... )

ALSO, I am NOT a Ron-Hater. I do not particularly like him as much as say Draco or Harry, but for the purpose of the story, he is going to seem a bit dumb and ignorant.

Chapter 1:  
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BUHHRRRRRINGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry's fist made contact with the offending object, popping an eye open as his curtains magically flew back and sun streamed in his eyes. How he sometimes loathed magic.

It was just after 7 a.m. and Harry was already in a bad mood. The previous night he had broken up (again) with Ginny. This was getting all to repetitive for him. As he made his way into the bathroom he shared with the other four boys in his year, who, for the record, were still asleep, he thought maybe it was not meant to be. Him and Ginny, that was. He had not yet told Ron that he had hurt his only sister, too afraid to, to be honest. He knew by breakfast the redhead would surely know so he tried not to dwell on it.

He washed up and was out in the common room within half an hour; just as the rest of the seventh year Gryffindor boys were getting up. He flopped down in a chair opposite Hermione, not caring to see her face of pure disdain.

He quickly cut her off before she could say anything, however.

"Don't say anything, okay Hermione?"

Hermione pursed her lips and said daintily, "'S not my place."

Damn straight, Harry thought. They sat in silence as Hermione scribbled down notes and Harry idly flipped through a quidditch magazine until Ron came down.

"Guys!- I had the funniest dream last night. See Fred and-"

"Can you tell us over breakfast, I'm really very hungry..." Hermione said getting up.

"Uh yea sure. Should we wait for Ginny?"

"No." Harry was already leaving through the portrait. He just knew today was going to be extremely long.

Ron had taken the news quite well in Harry's' opinion. He had only vowed to hurl Harry off the tallest tower at his next chance, after of course turning 27 different shades of red.

The trio made their way up to the sixth floor down a complicated hallway to their Human Studies Class. They settled into their usual seats and chatted randomly untill the bell rang and Professor LeBon entered the large classroom.

"Hullo all. I assume you all did your homework, being that it is pretty much the only thing I've assigned as of yet?" Professor LeBon was rather attractive and had a interesting fashion sense that made her look like a model. She was in her mid 20's and had dark brown hair that she normally tied up in a slack bun. It complemented her very nicely. Today she was wearing a fuchsia dress robe with blue accents. To say the boys were in love, would be an understatement.

The class groaned an undistinguished mess of 'yes's and 'no's.

She tutted them in a mock disappointed way. Majority of the class snickered.

After she collected the handful of homeworks from various students, she sat on the big desk in front of the classroom.

"Aiiiiight boys and gurls, so today is probably the day I have been waiting for since I deiced to teach this class." She grinned. "We are about to start a very chaotic assignment, one in which is the most exciting in probably all your seven years." Her grin had manifested itself into a full blown smile. "You are all going to be parents!"

Again the mess of voices begun. Some groans, some moans... some squeals of joy.

"Nah listen! It's not gunna be like all those other years... 'Kay so, when I got this job I said I wanted to re-vamp some of these old boring, irritatingly stupid projects. This one was the one I really had fun re-doing." She hopped off the desk and pulled some papers into view. She walked up and down the aisles and turned on her heel before continuing. "I'm gunna pair you up-", groans filled the classroom once again as all seventh years hated when a teacher would do this. LeBon smiled. "Who wants to be paired first?"

As expected no one raised their hand. Not even Hermione.

The professor grinned down at Flinch-Fletchy. He tried his hardest not to flinch.

"Justin and... Daphne Greengrass."

The students immediately knew what she was doing. Intentionally pairing them up with house rivals.

"Aw shit, she better not pair me with the ferret," Ron said murderously under his breath.

"What was that Mister Weasley? You want to go next?" Ron turned very pale in a matter of seconds. "Well, I'm sorry, but you're gunna have to wait 'cha turn." She turned back to Justin and Daphne, who had in the time while LeBon had cracked Ron's ego, had seated herself next to the Hufflepuff. "Very good," LeBon commented, "Now, where were we?... Ah, yes." She turned to the rest of the class. "Now this is where this class begins to differ from what you've heard past students say has gone on. Before this year, all seventh years had been expected to take care of a charmed doll. The doll had had the same qualities that a real baby would have, only it was...well, a doll." She turned serious all of a sudden. "This time around, Dumbledore has allowed me to try a new technique. My own spacial twist is that every single couple I put together, will work. And if it doesn't, well then, there goes your grade."

The class had expected something a little more 'special' then a dinky unity project.

"Professor-"

"I'm not done, Miss Granger... not anywhere near done explaining..." The pretty witch took out her wand and held it not even an inch away from Justin's head. He was visibly shaking. "...these new babies..." The class remained silent. Deadly silent.

The teacher did some fancy want movements and said an odd incantation, not even Hermione recognized. When she was done, she rested the want tip at just above the shaking boys forehead. The wand was pulled back as a light lavender strand came seemingly from his head. The class gasped and LeBon grabbed the strand tightly in her hand. She performed the same spell on Greengrass.

With the two strands of lavender together in her hand, LeBon pressed them together and grabbed an unknown small article from her pocket. The two meet and she pulled her hands apart as if in great show. Before anyone knew what happened, a baby with tan skin and a light shade of sandy blond hair was in front of their very own eyes.

More gasps and shrieks filled the room as 'thats impossible' was heard in the general vicinity of where a one Hermione Granger was sitting, although, no-one was really paying her much attention. They were all gaping at the baby that pretty much had come from nowhere.

"That is what is so special about these babies." The professor, obviously smug with herself, took the baby and begun to list how much the baby would mean to them, as in Justin and Daphne. She explained that this baby, like real babies was half the mother and half the father. She then reiterated how now that the baby was more then a doll, any couple could make it last for the next two months.

"Not every couple." Ron, the obviously smartest said again under his breath.

"I believe so, Mr Weasley. Why you don't think a Hufflepuff and Slytherin can make it work?" The feisty older woman asked.

"No, thats not it...but yea, that too. What I meant was like... ya'know, two blokes or whatnot."

"No, I don't know, but okay. So you're saying gay couples are less effective parents then anyone and everyone else?"

"Eh, I guess-"

"Ronald! That is disgustingly ignorant of you! I cannot believe-"

"Hermione, would you like to show Ron that gay couples can make a go of it as good as anyone?"

Hermione blushed. "I'm not... but I'd love to, Professor." Hermione stammered.

"I dare say you would be the best to try that theory out on... Seeing as you are good friends with Weasley." LeBon grinned a bit evilly. "Alright, how about putting you with...hmmm, Miss Parkinson."

"WHHH-WHY ME?" Pansy shrieked indignantly.

"Miss Parkinson, you'd be the perfect match for this. I'm pairing you all up with people no sane witch or wizard would dare to." She chuckled.

Pansy moved to sit next to Hermione so that LeBon could perform the very odd ritual. When it was done, another baby was procured, this time with pale skin and black curly hair.

Pansy immediately grabbed the baby and looked down into her face. Unlike the last baby, who had remained sleeping, this one woke with a start.

"Definitely your child," Hermione commented dryly.

But Pansy was quick to soothe the child and not before long, it was back to sleep.

"She's adorable!" Pansy coed. Hermione played delicately with the baby's hair and nodded in her agreement.

"That's disgusting!" Ron rasped to Harry.

Harry, who had hoped that sitting in the back and just observing the scene in front of him would not permit him into the whole debacle. He was wrong.

"Harry," Hermione begun, "tell Ron he's an insufferable jerk."

"I-" Harry tried to come up with something.

"I, for once, agree with the Weasel." Everyone turned in their seat to see Draco Malfoy leaning back in his chair. "It is rather disturbing."

LeBon rolled her eyes as she sent a jinx at Malfoy causing the chair to fall back wards. Everyone laughed as Malfoy feel on his arse.

"AYE!" Draco screamed out.

"Quiet, Mister Malfoy." Professor LeBon turned and looked at some Ravenclaws.

She performed the mind boggling trick a few times more before rounding on Ron.

"Okay, Ron, your turn. I'd put you with Mister Malfoy, but you two would indubitable botch that up..." She looked around at the remaining girls in the class. "Miss... Bulstrode."

That evil grin of LeBons barely left her face as she produced the newest child to the now almost completely baby filled room. And to say it was ugly, was a sever understatement.

"EW!" Ron cried. "That THING is not MY child!"

The thing, with red frizzy hair and a truly nasty looking face, started immediately crying.

"Don't worry kid; we'd all be crying if we looked like you-"

"Mister Malfoy, I do believe its your turn." She sighed. "Who's left, who's left...?" Her irratated voice drifted into Harry's ears and he knew what was coming, but he did not want it to be true.

"Aw, Harry-"

"NO FUC-"

One look from the teacher told Malfoy to can it. Draco slumped in his seat, beaten.

"Please come join your partner, Malfoy."

Harry watched as Malfoy collected his things and flumpled into the seat next to him. LeBon immeadetly got to work on the incantation and wand work.

Harry felt a strange feeling as the lavander thread was pulled from his head. He saw her cup it tightly and watched her do the same to the blond.

Within seconds, she was doing the same as she had done to all the other pairs before them, but Harry felt an odd pang in wonder to know what this child might look like.

She opened her hands in a florish and a baby sprang free. It was almost humorous to Harry, but then he saw the beautiful child.

The little creature in front of him had white blond hair and a nice tanned skin. Harry felt a need to hold the baby and he quickly looked over at his partner who also had a mistified look on his face. Just then, the baby opened its eyes to reveal two perfect emeralds.


	2. Chapter 2

Disregards HBP and DH...and possibly even OotP. Haha...

Disclaimer:I don't own it.

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews, I had no idea it would be so liked! Muhahah! Lol. I'm sooo sorry for the long wait. So much drama and work to do, I'm a junior at a prep school and ahh...lol.

BTW: I have no idea in the world how to make things bold,italics or gaps between paragraphs stay!! Sorry!

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Harry Potter was not aware of the fact that the entire class had gone silent. He was captivated and could not pull himself to look away from what sat in front of him: a child, that looked like an exact blend of his rival and himself. The rival, in question, sat rigid for a moment before gently taking the baby in his arms. Draco stared down for a long moment, slowly raising his eyes to Harry's.

Draco moved his jaw as if intending to speak, and seeing as his attempts were futile, Professor Joleigh LeBon stepped in.

"The baby's, as you all must be wondering, do have your DNA, but not to worry, the baby is like a Peopold, meaning, that after an allotted time frame they go...uhm what is that phrase?" She looked about the classroom, finally giving into Hermione's perpetually raised hand.

"Infantia letum?" Hermione asked, a bit shocked.

"Correct! 10 points to Gryffindor." The house hooted as the Slytherins groaned.

"But- Professor, that's inhumane!" LeBon grimaced at Hermione's appalled expression.

"What's that mean?" Ron asked.

"It means when someone is barbaric unto another human. As in savagery, you know, your family." Malfoy replied dryly.

Ron turned bright red and spoke through gritted teeth, "That is NOT what I meant, you god damed little fuc-"

"It means-" LeBon cut in, "in literal translation; baby death." As an uprising was sure to begin, she continued onward "But, in actuality, it means 'goes back to which it came from'. So it turns into those strands of lavender, also known as Porfirio, and are placed back within you." She sat at her desk and pulled out a stack of papers. "Its extraordinarily complicated magic, which none of you are expected to know by any means, FYI." She grinned. "Aiiight, now for the fun part."

As papers were passed along, Harry took the chance to look at the baby. The little blond child smiled up at him and Harry could not resist laughing as droll ran down the babes chin.

"What?"Malfoy asked turning to see what the raven haired boy was laughing at and almost shrieked as he saw dribble fall onto his robe. "Ahhhh!"

Harry continued laughing as Malfoy handed him off the baby to clean himself up. "Good boy," Harry joked.

Susan Bones turned in her seat and gave Harry the paper that all students were given.

"Huh?"

"The assignment, Harry," The redhead laughed. "Ugh! Your baby's too cute!" She cooed and tickled the baby's feet, which happened to make the baby very happy as he squirmed about giggling. Harry and Susan laughed right along with it.

"Your baby's cute too-"

"Oi, Potter, stop flirting, you have a child to look out for." Malfoy spat, flattening his robe which he had finally dubbed clean.

Harry smiled at Susan and waved a goodbye to the little girl sitting on her lap.

Draco glared down at his hands then noticed the sheet with instructions scribbled on it on his desk. He pulled it over and read it.

"We have to name it?" Draco asked a bit put out, a few minutes later.

"Yes." LeBon answered shortly.

"But its just a stupid dinky thing-"

"Your parents named you, did they not?" The class laughed. Malfoy narrowed his eyes at the young teacher.

Malfoy grumbled and went back to reading the list of requirements.

Draco turned back facing Harry. He let out a deep sigh. "'Says we can't use magic to shut it up. Also we must spend equal time with it..." He skimmed the sheet again. "Ugh no baby sitting for more than 2 hours, bullocks..."

The bell deiced to ring at that exact moment and people grugendly got out of their seats and parted ways planing out when to switch turns with the babies.

Harry looked at Malfoy internally debating how to breech the next subject. "Ay, ah, so when can you meet up to uh plan out this baby thing."

Draco gave him a pitying look and took hold of the baby. "I'll keep him til lunch, I do believe we are both free afterward and can decide on a name and all that then. Agreed?"

"Sure." Harry picked up his bag and leaned down and pinched the baby's face. "Bye little guy." The baby wiggled frantically in hopes of being held by Harry. Harry beamed, then straightened up, looked Draco in the eye, nodded and said a gruff 'later' and was out the door.

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Harry sat down to lunch. He could not believe how much he was missing that baby. It had not helped that everyone was showing off their baby. He regretted not taking the baby from Malfoy. But it did not matter. Last class had been long, but it was now over, and he could see Draco walk in with the miniature blond.

Hermione sat next to him, with her baby, and was relatively silent for awhile. But Harry knew better then to believe she would just sit silent when just hours ago he had broken up with Ginny.

When Hermione looked ready to burst with anticipation, Harry finally grounded out a murmured submission. "Just say what you wanna say."

She puffed out her chest and slightly relaxed. Slightly.

"Why?"

"Just 'why'?" Harry questioned.

She glared. "Humor me Harry."

"Alright... There once was a man from Nantuc-" Hermione's glare intensified. Harry chuckled. "It just wasn't working out. Nothing more. And allot less."

"There has to be more!"

"OK, see when I'm with her, I want to be somewhere, anywhere else. When she's not there, I miss her, but I can live without her. Alright?"

Hermione just stared at him. "But I thought you loved her."

"I do. Just, I honestly think of her as a sister. Like, well kinda like you... and Ron." Harry snickered. "I dunno. I want her, but... I just dunno." He paused. "I dunno."

.-.

When Lunch was finally over and Ron had not talked to him, Harry was about to try and make amends when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Potter. We did agree to meet after lunch..." Malfoys snarl trailed off.

Harry turned around. He was happy to delay any confrontation with his best friend, even if having to spend time with Draco Malfoy. He gingerly picked up the little boy in Malfoy's arms. "Yea, we did, didn't we?"

They begun walking to the library, mindlessly chatting about baby mannerisms. Malfoy had deiced that they should switch off on a five daily routine. Harry would get the baby til diner, then Malfoy would get him that night, and trade off in the morning and continue the cycle. They were being quite civil to the other, to each others amazement.

For Harry and Draco, they were being civil. To the rest of the world, they were being rather abusive; slinging sarcasm and rolling their eyes every chance. They had cursed a few times at each other, but because it was in the rules that they may not curse in front of their child, unless they wanted to suffer unbelievable screaming fits from the tiny tot.

When they got in the library, Draco quickly found baby name books, and immediately started picking off the wall names.

"Got it. It's perfect." Draco said, dripping with sarcasm.

Harry rolled his eyes. "What's the name this time?"

"Atol. It means 'hate'."

"That's perfectly lovely." Harry smiled at a name he had just read. "How 'bout; 'Egan'?"

Malfoy scrunched up his nose. "What's it mean?"

"'Force'."

"Sounds like an owl name."

Harry nodded in agreement.

"How about..." Draco laughed quietly.

Harry leaned over to see what name Malfoy found funny this time.

"Sextus?" Harry thought it would have been something a bit more scandalous then that. He sighed disappointedly.

Malfoy groaned. "Then YOU find something good, Potter."

They stayed in contemplation for awhile til Harry read one he liked.

"I know its horribly cliche, but how about Whytlok?"

"Whitelock? Why the hell would you name a child 'Whitelock'?"

"It means 'blond'." Harry barely resisted strangling the other boy.

"Oh...hmmm, maybe." Draco continued on looking, and after a few minutes of glaring at the blond's head, Harry too went back to searching.

"I like this one, Potty." Draco angled the book so Harry could read it.

"Bromley?"

"Yea? No, I like it... Kinda..."

Harry shook his head. "Nah, sounds too fierce for a baby."

"Pansy and the mudblood named their child Thyne."

"So?"

"I think it means 'follower'."

Harry stared dumbly. "So?"

"We should name ours, Aurick. Leader."

Harry just stared at him.

"No, yea OK." Draco admitted defeat.

After almost calling it quits, Harry stumbled across one final name which he had seen an hour or so before but had missed it. He knew automatically that it was the one for the blond baby resting peacefully next to them.

"Malfoy, I really like this one. How about Beltran? It means... bright raven."

Draco thought for a moment then he nodded. "Yea, alright." He picked up the sleeping baby, and held it out for a second. "Beltran?" The baby opened his eyes and beamed up at the grey eyed boy. Draco turned to Harry. "Alright Potter, think you finally thought of something good."

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Okayyyy, sooo I totally made up Peopolds, and Porfirio...and everything else lol... and LeBon's name means 'pretty' in French. It is an alternative spelling on 'Jolie', but seeing as I didn't want you thinking of the gorgeous Angelina, I spelt it that way. All good fun.

Anddddd, as you must have guessed those lovely children's names are alotta fun coming up with. No wonder noone in the series has a normal name, JK had too much fun...Siriusly.

OHHHH and I finally found out how to allow anonymous reviews!!!!!!!!!YAY FOR EVERYONE!!!lmaoooo xp


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